


endless roads.

by scrapnotez



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: (mayhaps?), (sorta) - Freeform, (vibes?), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, Anxiety, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Bad Jokes, Bickering, Boys Kissing, Coming of Age, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, M/M, References to Depression, Road Trips, Romance, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, edgy hongjoong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 18:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30026322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrapnotez/pseuds/scrapnotez
Summary: In which a terribly planned road trip doesn’t work out the way it was supposed to. Heartbreak, loneliness, and lots of snarky comments.The inner struggles, outer masks, the road to discovering the joy and pain of freedom.TL;DR : Teen Seongjoong meeting each other and not knowing what will happen to each other.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	endless roads.

**Author's Note:**

> more tags to be added #

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight tw for family issues (just conversations though)
> 
> (half beta-ed ? ... haha)

There’s a slight humming noise that drowns out everything else that sounds from nature, coincidently following the sounds of the river that flows through the city. A satisfied sigh breaks the silence, followed by a thump on the hood of a car.

The boy stares at the brightly colored energy drink in his hand, his other tucked inside his jean pocket as he glances at the sunrise, swirling around the drink inside his mouth. He couldn’t find what was so beautiful about the sunrise, furrowing his eyebrows at the mush of colors that flood his retinas, making him squint. 

His legs are extended fully, using the hood of his car as support rather than seating himself on it with his legs pulled off the ground. Letting the last bits of the drink slowly drip onto his tongue, he agonizingly swallows, the drops sliding down his throat seconds later. 

The quiet staring contest with nature is eventually ruined with the repetitive jingle of his phone and he groans, clicking the green button on the screen. 

“What do you want?” he huffs, tapping his free hand on the hood of his car in patterns. A jumble of loud scolding sounds on the other side of the line and it makes him laugh, waiting for the noise to slowly become naught. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” the other boy asks, a difference from the obnoxious squawking he sounded like just a few seconds ago. 

  
  


A few taps of his fingers and he hums. 

  
  


“Yeah. I’m sure Wooyoung. Don’t worry about it.” 

  
  


“Joong…”

  
  


“Please.”

  
  


Wooyoung finally gives it up, bidding his goodbyes and hanging up with hesitation lacing in every action of his. Hongjoong takes a deep breath. The other boy acted as if he were leaving forever. 

He wasn’t leaving forever, but he knew it’d feel good to break away from everything he knew. Just to breathe air he had never encountered before. 

Hongjoong pushes himself off the car and stretches, crushing up the can in his hand and throwing it inside his car. He should’ve prepared a roadtrip trash bin, but he hadn’t thought that far into it yet, psyching himself up for this ‘renewing journey’ per se, although it was definitely less grand than that.

His leather jacket sticks to his skin a little too uncomfortably but Hongjoong wasn’t willing to give it up just yet, stepping on the gas and feeling wind blow against his face. It’s a nice contrast from the warm temperatures of the season, especially when he much preferred winter.

The rare days where snow would pile up made him oddly happy, seeing the pearly white shine everytime the sun hit. It covered everything with a bright sheen and it looked much better than the city in its natural state. 

Hongjoong despised the city. It’s dull and suffocating, but aside from those obvious reasons, he never knew why he hated being there. 

He knew he didn’t fit. He wasn’t the perfect clean cut student getting perfect grades and studying for his exams so he could make it big in the future. 

He was Kim Hongjoong. A boy who was ecstatic once getting his drivers license. Unruly happiness once he could go wherever he wanted. He liked dark clothing, he liked piercings and artsy makeup. He liked rock bands that would blow out his eardrums if he turned the volume too high.

He loved all of it.

He was no one else but himself.

But the city was too mean for that. The city would never see Kim Hongjoong for who he actually was. It would never allow Hongjoong to walk around without being ridiculed for his seemingly harmless actions. 

Kim Hongjoong disliked it all.

And that's why he’s here, in his dingy car, horribly singing songs at the top of his lungs, a hand out the window feeling the breeze.

**_Fuck_ **, did he feel free.

  
  
  
  
  


#

  
  
  
  
  


There was no destination in mind for the boy. He’d end up wherever he does, but his stomach is starting to feel empty without breakfast and he craves cheesy ramen with a super soft and creamy soft boiled egg right on top. Sounded like heaven at the moment.

He quickly parks his car and grimaces at how his jacket stuck against his arms. It’s pissing him off more than it should’ve so he throws it behind himself, jumping out and locking the door. Now all he’s left with is his giant band tee that could pass for a dress. 

Hongjoong keeps his head down when pushing the door of the convenience store open, the welcome jingle sounding and he subconsciously hums along, heading for the aisle he needs. 

He looks closely at the numerous brands of ramen and he’s interested in too many that he panics and goes to the eggs instead. He picks the two count carton he always got, holding it in his hands and walking around just to skim the shelves.

Hongjoong’s eyes landed on the drink machines and for some goddamn reason he _really_ wanted hot chocolate and marshmallows, setting the eggs down on the counter and grabbing a cup. He awkwardly glances at the man beside him who also has a cup in his hand but he’s at the coffee machine. 

Once the hot chocolate dispenses, he turns around to the counters that had his add-ons and his precious marshmallows were in a jar with a tiny scoop. Hongjoong grins and excitedly reaches for it before he bumps into a taller form. 

The man with coffee in his hand apologizes quickly, wincing when a hot drop of it lands on his own hand. Hongjoong mutters a small _‘sorry’_ before scooping marshmallows on top of his drink and the man just takes a lid and presses it on the cup. No sugar, no creamer, no nothin’. Fully dark.

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows, pressing a clear lid on his drink just to see the little marshmallows float around. “Black coffee? Fucking chump…” Hongjoong mumbles, grabbing a straw and unwrapping it.

He must’ve not realized that what he said was totally audible and the taller man furrows his eyebrows. “What the fuck? You’re drinking hot chocolate in goddamn April!” the man says back, and the tone is quite childish for how he looked, polished and mature.

“Ah. Yeah. Cool! Now could you move? I need those eggs behind you.” Hongjoong says, and the man looks at him with beady eyes, moving to the side. The man opens his mouth hesitantly, the hand gripping his coffee’s trembling. “You’re being rude.” he says, and Hongjoong thinks it’s funny how his bottom lip juts out unintentionally.

“Oh. Sorry. I don’t mean it. Yeah? Sorry. Could you help me pick out ramen?” Hongjoong shamelessly asks. The man’s eyes just keep getting bigger from the ridiculous replies he’s getting, yet he couldn’t come up with anything to say, nodding to Hongjoong’s offer. Hongjoong _did_ technically sound sorry. What’s the harm in picking out ramen?

The taller picks out his personal favorite cheesy ramen and Hongjoong doesn’t bat an eye and goes with it. “Thanks— oh. What’s your name? I’m Kim Hongjoong. I’m 17 turning 18 soon.” he introduces, looking up at the other.

“Park Seonghwa. I’m ‘99 liner so I’m also 18. Glad we got our ages sorted out because you’re a menace.” Seonghwa introduces himself passive aggressively, rolling his eyes. Hongjoong just shrugs, jumping to the cashier to pay for his goods. 

Seonghwa doesn’t miss the fact he looks a little out of the ordinary. Yes, he’s definitely seen people dressed like that before but he’s always been scared to talk to anyone like that firsthand, they always looked too cool to approach. 

His eyes roam around the smaller boy, seeing the quite conservative amount of black eyeshadow around the other’s eyes with a bit of eyeliner, black polish adorning Hongjoong’s nails. The t-shirt almost reaches his knees and continuing on is the pair of black skinny jeans tucked neatly into black boots. 

Seonghwa’s stomach feels weird when he sees how small Hongjoong looked with the shirt swallowing him up, but he shakes the thought away, paying for his single cup of coffee after him. 

Hongjoong as a whole human is detailed, earrings dangling from his ears, red streaks going through his jet black hair, and a few bracelets sliding around his wrist. The slightly older boy was very intrigued by how different it looked. He wouldn’t mind trying it out himself.

He quickly trails behind Hongjoong, and said boy turns around to stare him down. “What is it? I’m sorry for being an ass earlier. It was a joke.” the boy says, sounding scarily sincere. 

“No no— I don’t mean that. I…”

Seonghwa’s blank. He doesn’t know why but he’s so interested in Hongjoong. Interested in not a _“I wanna ask him out.”_ type of way but instead in a _“You’re so cool from the outside I’m panicking on the inside and I want to know more so please tell me about yourself”_ type of way. 

Hongjoong patiently waits as he drains out the water from his ramen, ripping open the cheese flavoring and pouring it inside. He takes the pair of wooden chopsticks and starts mixing it around. 

“Don’t force yourself to talk to me if you don’t want to dude. It’s annoying.” Hongjoong sing-songs, peeling his two eggs hastily and placing them onto the ramen. _“Voilà!”_ his internal voice sneers, proud of the tasty meal in front of him. 

Seonghwa groans, trying to find words. “No. I… what are you doing after this?” he blurts and he very quickly realizes how much it sounded like he was trying to ask Hongjoong out, swallowing nervously.

“Oh?” the younger laughs, splitting one of the eggs open and taking a bite. “On a road trip.” Hongjoong answers, squeezing his eyes shut. It’s been awhile since he’s had dry ramen like this and it’s definitely heavenly.

“Alone?” 

“ ‘Mh yeah. What ‘bout you?”

Seonghwa’s taken off guard, stuttering like a child to answer back. “I came out with a few friends today.” he says, taking a sip of his bland coffee.

Hongjoong nods, pausing and swallowing. He licks his lips and stares into the other’s eyes intently. “How many people did you come with?”

“Four.”

“Oh.”

There’s an awkward quietness surrounding them and Seonghwa’s not sure if he said something inappropriate, keeping his head down. 

“How’s it feel? Being with so many people. At once.” Hongjoong says, breaking the silence. 

They’re still just standing there inside the convenience store and the smaller boy leans against the counter, ramen in one hand, utensil in the other. 

Seonghwa doesn’t really know how to answer. _“How does it feel?”_ It’s a weird question but his brain supplies him with something before he embarrasses himself once more.

“It’s fun. They’re nice.”

“That’s good. That’s a lot of people.” Hongjoong trails off, staring blankly into space. He sighs loudly, bringing another bite to his mouth. Once it’s down, the younger picks up a good portion of ramen and half an egg. 

“Wan’ bite?” he offers, cheeks stuffed full, sauce covering his lips. It’s cute, really, and Seonghwa leans in, generously taking the giant portion inside his mouth. The ramen tastes **_fucking good_** and he realized that he hasn’t had junk food in a few weeks.

He chews so quickly that he bites his tongue accidentally, letting out an _“ah!”_ sound, sticking out his tongue in temporary pain and Hongjoong laughs at his misery, eyes crinkling up. 

His laugh sounds so nice and gentle to the ear, and it’s pretty dorky sounding, different from what Seonghwa would’ve thought for such a dark, sorta scary looking boy. Hongjoong’s laugh makes Seonghwa break into laughter as well and they’re both giggling like they’ve known each other for years.

“Park Seonghwa what's taking you so long— oh shit who’s this cutie?” a pink haired boy interrupts, slinging his arm over Seonghwa which makes him lose balance, and he stumbles over. 

Hongjoong looks at the stranger warrily, finishing up the final bits of his food and washing it down with his hot chocolate. He meets Seonghwa’s eyes before pressing his lips into a fine line. There’s a visible waver in Hongjoong’s eyes before quickly running out of the door. 

Seonghwa curses, pushing the boy off of him which makes him complain. “Seonghwa!” he yells, huffing after the door jingles again. “Fuck! You guys can go without me!” Seonghwa screams from outside, following behind Hongjoong quickly.

The taller grabs Hongjoong by his wrist, halting his terribly fast speed walking. “Sorry—— my friends they’re… yeah sorry.” Seonghwa apologizes. Hongjoong quickly pulls his wrist away, unlocking his car and getting inside. The older boy stands there idle, not quite sure what he’s supposed to do at that point, and Hongjoong looks at him like he’s an idiot. 

“You coming in or what?”

“Oh.”

When Seonghwa gets in, Hongjoong slumps forward, his forehead gently hitting the steering wheel, a few erratic breaths leaving his mouth. His hands grip his own thighs tightly, digging his fingernails into the muscle like it was instinct. 

“Sorry. I can’t— just can’t fucking be with more than one person. Especially a stranger. Park Seonghwa— you look… not intimidating right? That friend of yours, he’s loud, he’s colorful, and that’s scary. It’s sounds stupid but that’s so fucking scary. I didn’t like what he said.”

Seonghwa goes to apologize again before getting cut off. 

“I didn’t say that your friend was being rude to me. I’m just explaining why I’m so fucking shaken up just from that barely even 10 second encounter. Fuck…” Hongjoong grits, swallowing his spit down. He felt like throwing up. 

The older just rubs his back gently, and it eases the sound of Hongjoong’s heartbeat thumping in his head loudly. Seonghwa watches the boy smile weakly, body limp against the seat. “I hate being like this. Also, thanks for the sexy ramen pick. It was fucking good although I barely managed to keep it down in my system just then.” 

“Anxiety?” 

Seonghwa knew he probably shouldn’t be getting into a stranger’s business like this, but he couldn’t help but have a feeling of nagging inside of him. He wanted to listen, he wanted to stay.

Hongjoong shrugs. “I think. If having your heart rate rapidly increase and make you wanna puke and choke over what looks like the littlest things, maybe that isn’t normal?” He laughs, scratching at his leg between the rips of his jeans. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No. Park Seonghwa you don’t get it. You saying sorry does nothing for me. It’s something I’ll have to deal with all the time.” Hongjoong shoots back. “I have to live with it. It’s not like grief where it eventually feels less painful. This comes and goes. Sometimes lighter, sometimes harder.”

The younger says his last sentence and shifts the car into ‘drive’, letting his music play on shuffle. Seonghwa doesn’t mind the music, and he keeps a few titles in mind. 

  
  
  


“What’s the destination?”

  
  
  


“Seonghwa. There is no destination. Roads are endless.”

  
  
  
  
  


#

  
  
  
  
  


Seonghwa gently taps his fingers on the window that he closed, the wind coming through it being too harsh for his face. It’s a repeating pattern, _1,2,3,4,2,2,3,4…_ He stares out the window and he rarely ever sits in the front passenger seat, always with too many people that ends up with him sitting in the back.

The cycle of his fingers gets knocked when Hongjoong hits the brakes a little too hard, leading to him almost getting rear-ended. It’s what Seonghwa expects for a 17 year old who barely has had a license for a year. “Knew you for less than an hour and I’m already on the verge of death. I like how you roll Kim Hongjoong.”

“You should be glad.” Hongjoong grins, pushing his hair back with his delicate painted fingers. His lips looked dry and bitten and Seonghwa really wanted to apply chapstick right then and there, but that’d be weird or something like that so he looked away and minded his own business. 

It takes a couple of minutes for it to hit the older but suddenly his heart drops at how he’s in a car with a stranger, not knowing where he’s gonna end up or how he even brought himself to do this. “Are you gonna kill me?” Seonghwa laughs nervously, hands hovering over the manual brake and Hongjoong rolls his eyes. “No Seonghwa. I’m just taking you on a fun ride. Unless you want to go home. That’s fine too. I’ll give you a free ride home if that’s what you’d like.” 

There’s silence after that exchange, apart from the music still serving as Hongjoong’s energy but Seonghwa’s background noise. 

“So where are we actually going?” 

The car lifts a bit from a speed bump and Hongjoong focuses on the turn that comes after, blinking a couple of times. It takes a good second before the question registers in his head. “Mars.”

Seonghwa stares at him, letting out a huff of astonishment. “Mars? Mars. Kim Hongjoong. Can you take me seriously?” he complains, tapping the window repeatedly. The road’s noises slowly disappear and Seonghwa turns to see that the younger man had rolled his windows up. _Right. We’re on the highway._

“Mars. Seonghwa backwards. It’s Mars in English. I wish I could do that with my name. Being pluto would be pretty cool in my personal opinion.” Hongjoong hums, tracing circles into the air, meant to resemble little planets. “Pluto’s a planet. Right? It’s always been.” the younger adds. 

The older just nods, watching the finger trace shapes into the air. Hongjoong looks to make sure he’s looking before tracing out a big circle and then adding a much smaller one next to it, mimicking his and Seonghwa’s positions. 

“You’re Mars. Bigger. More popular. Acknowledged.” the boy starts, slowing down when a car moves into his lane. “I’m Pluto. Almost kicked out of the group. Barely there. Just barely holding onto my title as a planet.” Hongjoong smiles, the hand making its way to the steering wheel again.

Seonghwa looks into his eyes, expecting more words. “And why’s that?” he ushers with a quiet whisper, eyes fluttering closed. He was still listening and Hongjoong could tell, an arm reaching out to hold the other against his seat when he felt bumps on the road. 

“Mars. I didn’t say that I disliked it. I like being my own little thing. My own little bubble. But it’d be nice to have someone sometimes. For when I don’t feel like holding on anymore.” Hongjoong explains, but those words are meaningless to the older who’s fallen asleep to the soothing voice drowning his head in slumber. For some reason though, he hears Hongjoong whisper a small, _“Dream of me!”_ teasingly in his ear. It makes Seonghwa’s lips twitch into a smile, gripping his seat belt for support. 

  
  
  
  
  


#

  
  
  
  
  
  


Seonghwa would’ve never thought that the sounds of waves would wake him up, and once his eyes crack open, it’s a warm light that penetrates his vision. His eyes quickly close before trying again, and he sees the horizon line straight ahead of him. 

He looks to his side but Hongjoong isn’t there. It’s eerily quiet apart from the squeaks of seagulls gliding around the sky, some landing on the sand of the beach. Right, this is a beach, and there’s water, and sand.

His hands shake as he unbuckles his seatbelt, pushing open the door and shutting it gently. Seonghwa didn’t recognize where he was at all, and the sunset threw him out for a loop. It was only the afternoon when he’d fallen asleep.

A gust of wind from behind him makes Seonghwa turn around and it’s quite empty apart from the road they came from and a couple of short, stubby trees that are sparsely spread across the empty land. 

He quickly runs down a few steps and his feet meet the sand, sneakers still snug. It doesn’t take long to spot a small figure covered in dark clothes between a fury of bright and warm colours. “Hongjoong?” Seonghwa says softly, and the boy that’s curled up with his knees to his chest turns his head around. 

“Oh. Hey. You were knocked out for a while. Sit down. It’s really nice here and the sand’s warm.” 

Hongjoong pats the space beside him, and Seonghwa doesn’t hesitate to join him there, his hand grabbing at the sand. It’s definitely warm and once he fully seats himself down, his bottom half is comfortably in the same position as the other, knees against chest.

“What time is it?” Seonghwa asks and the smaller chuckles, letting out a yawn. 

“Mars, I’m pretty sure you have a phone. You know? In your pocket. But I’ll tell you. It’s been four hours. It’s 5:23.” Hongjoong smiles, extending his legs and leaning back, his fingers digging into the sand. 

When Seonghwa looks over, he can see how the warm sun and the sky reflect off of Hongjoong’s eyes. It adds a natural filter over his pale skin, and it’s beautiful to see.

“Four. _Kim Hongjoong._ Four hours?”

“Yes Park Seonghwa. Four hours. But don’t act like I’ve kidnapped you. Your eyes are sparkling. Look at the sky. It suits you well.” Hongjoong replies, sighing happily at the sight. 

Seonghwa notices an added leather jacket over the younger and it’s a stark contrast from the fresh, breezy beach. It’s silver hardware gives off a much cooler tone rather than the warmth everything else was.

“I think the sky suits you more.” the older boy says blankly, rocking back and forth. The waves look calm at the moment, gently rocking just like him. The water’s shining from how the sun’s rays hit them, and it twinkled like the night sky. 

Hongjoong laughs, throwing his head backwards. “Mars. You’re flirting with me. I like your energy.” 

The older quickly denies the fact with his head shaking quickly. He _wasn’t_ flirting, he was just being honest.

Seonghwa wondered what Hongjoong would look like if he wasn’t so different to the ocean. If he wore lighter colors that would make him look less intimidating than he was. Would he have liked the city more if he was different? 

It’s interesting how the city dictates how people have to be. If the city was nicer to these differences, Hongjoong wouldn’t be on his getaway. He wouldn’t have made his snarky comment to a clean cut lad inside a convenience store. It was truly terrifying to think of the different outcomes that could have occurred.

  
  
  


“I hope you never change for the city Kim Hongjoong.”

  
  
  
  


The boy scoffs, a fist punching Seonghwa in the arm. Hongjoong shakes his head, pushing his hair back.

  
  
  
  


“Mars. You’re underestimating me. I would never change for the city. One day I'll make the city change for me. And everyone else who feels like they don’t belong.” he breathes, almost as if he were gasping for air.

  
  
  
  
  


“I’ll change it.”

  
  
  
  


#

  
  
  
  


They sit in silence for minutes, just there, and it’s scary when you put into perspective how quick the sun sets. It doesn’t take long before it’s already dark, and the ocean’s breeze fully catches them on the sand.

The older boy’s only in a thin, white T-shirt that barely gives him any protection to the wind and he can physically feel himself shiver. Hongjoong turns to his left and he can tell just from how much Seonghwa had curled into himself to find warmth.

“Seonghwa, are you cold?”

Hongjoong knows he is, and a small grin dawns his face. He knew what the other would answer with. 

“No.”

_Gotcha!_ Hongjoong thinks, quickly slinging off his jacket and throwing it over Seonghwa’s shoulders. Even in the growing darkness, the younger boy could see Seonghwa’s flustered face.

“You’re gonna be cold now.”

“I deserve it. I dragged you here. Shouldn’t you check your phone? Your parents might’ve reported you as a missing child.” Hongjoong suggests, tilting his head cutely.

_Cute. He’s cute._

Seonghwa spaces out and it’s empty. _Reported me as missing? They would be glad._

Hongjoong nudges his shoulder, and their eyes meet. It hurts to see how his eyes glimmer under the moon that’s above them, looking down as if it protected them. Seonghwa wondered if Mars and Pluto were there too, somewhere.

“They don’t care.” the older boy says, his head dropping between his arms. His chest hurts and it’s still cold even with the leather jacket draped over his shoulders. Hongjoong seems to be searching for words, fingers digging into his boot absentmindedly.

“And why’s that Mars?”

It’s hard to put into words why Seonghwa despises his parents, whether it was because of how they never even give a glance at him, or if they treated him like a novelty item that stayed inside their home.

He would hang out with the wrong crowds just to find _something_ , before getting those hour long lectures that would sound like a jumble of loud noises thrown at him. Seonghwa knew those crowds weren’t for him at all, it never felt right, yet he just needed someone that just pretended to care even if they didn’t.

“I’m like a trophy to them. I’ve tried to go against them before, smoke a couple of times, vandalism, all that good stuff, but it was never right for me.” Seonghwa sighs.

“All that pride of going against them, but everytime, I’d end up at square one, too scared to even skip a single assignment, to be less than class president, petty shit like that.” Seonghwa spits. His throat burns and his eyes are threatening to let tears drip down his face. 

Hongjoong’s hand gently slips on top of the older and he doesn’t protest Hongjoong, seeking the firm squeeze on his delicate hands that feel gritty from the sand.

“Fuck!” Seonghwa laughs, using his other hand to wipe the tears off his cheeks, although it doesn’t do much to the drops that roll down right after.

“Yeah! I’m fucking popular now, I have chicks all over me—-so fucking **_what?_ ** I doubt any of those assholes care about me. I hate myself. Great, I’m fucking good looking, what about everything else about me? Am I _that_ worthless without my face?” Seonghwa screams, hand trembling to cover his face. The quietness feels like it’s mocking him.

“You just wanna be loved, Seonghwa.”

The sentence makes the boy break down like a child, scrambling to hide away before Hongjoong pats his head gently with the hand that isn’t holding Seonghwa’s hand tightly.

“I know Mars. I’ve felt it too. I still do. I don’t know damn shit about you but I fucking know you’re not worthless. You better fucking shut up about being worthless cause you aren’t.” Hongjoong warns, jaw clenched before Seonghwa sees his eyes fill up. _Do you care?_

“God, fuckin’ hate popular kids like you.” the younger boy mutters, intertwining their fingers tightly. Seonghwa doesn’t know what to do, his face screwed up into every pitiful expression possible. He doesn’t feel like stopping his crying anytime soon. Once he stops, the fingers stroking his hair and the ones holding his hand would be gone.

  
  


“So glad that I piss you off Hongjoong.”

  
  


“Snarky even when you’re sobbing like a toddler.”

  
  
  
  


Seonghwa feels his breathing ease, following the patterns of the waves, and with the added help of Hongjoong guiding him with each breath. It’s inevitable but it feels colder when the younger pulls away, his hands losing the tight grip. The older makes a noise of protest and Hongjoong laughs, keeping their pinkies linked. 

“What. Already have an emotional attachment to me? Park Seonghwa, I’m afraid you’ll dislike me sooner or later.” 

“I’d like to imagine that you care.” 

Hongjoong convinces Seonghwa to head back to the dingy car, _Hongjoong’s_ dingy car even though the older boy wanted to stay at the beach for a bit longer. He bargained that Seonghwa could hold his hand during the duration of the ride and pick some songs to listen to. Seonghwa took the opportunity and ran. 

The car whirls and starts up, and once Hongjoong’s hand leaves the keys, Seonghwa doesn’t hesitate to grab the hand and let it encase his own. Their hands were both warm, causing Hongjoong’s hand to sweat but the other doesn’t complain in the slightest, staring out the window.

“Why’re y’a so obsessed with my hands?” the younger huffs, pulling his hand away to shift into the right position before reversing. The road is predictably empty, considering the location and time, a few stray headlights here and there. It'd be almost ten at night once they head back to the dreaded city and Hongjoong wasn’t going to continue his trip with a random boy he met half a day ago.

“Cause I’ve never held hands like this goddamnit Kim. Just give me your goddamn hand.” Seonghwa reaches again but he gets slapped away. 

“Jesus. At least let me get to the main road first.”

And Seonghwa allowed it with a dissatisfied grunt, mumbling under his breath, _‘You promised. You broke it.’_

Seonghwa would always imagine standing right between his parents, holding both their hands and swinging forward. He’d always seen other kids do it, yet he’s never felt what it could be like to swing so happily like them, barely having grip strength. He wished things could’ve been different, if he had grown up with the attention he always wanted, different from what he had now. 

  
  


_If I could just… if I could just…_

  
  


“Please.” Seonghwa says, voice cracking right above a whisper. His eyes hide under bangs as he holds out a hand and he’s trembling again. Hongjoong grips the steering wheel tightly with one hand before using the other to hold Seonghwa. 

“Fuck, you okay? Gosh, i’m fuckin’ hauling around a child… hey don’t you dare start crying again, I need energy to drive for another four hours.” Hongjoong clicks his tongue. He shakes his head in faux annoyance, looking over to see Seonghwa’s reaction and he’s smiling softly, his other hand rubbing at Hongjoong’s nail polish. 

“Not gonna cry. Could y’a paint my nails sometime? I like them.”

“Shit, I can park the car and paint them for you right now?” Hongjoong laughs, reaching the side door’s compartment. A small, dainty bottle of black polish is pulled out and the younger waves it around. 

Seonghwa shakes his head, thumbing at Hongjoong’s knuckles. “Not now Kim. Let’s get back for now, it’s late.”

Hongjoong keeps his hand still most of the time, other than when he has to hold the steering wheel with both his hands. He suggests the other to pick some music to play, but Seonghwa rejects the offer, seemingly satisfied with the physical contact he gets.

“I like your music.” Seonghwa hums.

“Popular kid who likes indie rock? Who would’ve thought huh?” Hongjoong laughs.

The older boy wonders how Hongjoong isn’t sleepy at all. He must’ve been energized by that hot chocolate for hours and that reminds Seonghwa that he still had a coffee he never even touched much of.

The cup is cold by now after sitting in a car for hours on end, and Seonghwa can only just lean back and stare at the streetlights on the vacant roads. 

He lets the calmer music drown his thoughts out, only the sounds of the wind outside and the car’s engine rumbling in his ears. It lets him breathe and the lights turn into streaks of color and blurred dots when his eyes can barely stay open.

“You can sleep. Don’t feel guilty about it, I enjoy my driving.” Hongjoong assures, turning down the music a little. The older boy just blinks blankly before letting his eyes shut. Their hands stay together.

Seonghwa doesn’t actually sleep at all, only trying to tune out everything. He feels like he’s stuck in between his consciousness, just floating within what he could hear and feel.

Hongjoong’s pulled his hand away by now and the older boy expected it to happen, but it still made his heart sink just a little. He knew it was too much to ask for, pulling away and digging into the pocket of the leather jacket. The leather’s visibly worn in and pliable, soft to the touch.

The younger boy offers his hand again but Seonghwa just curls up in his seat, closing his eyes. 

“It’s fine.”

“Seonghwa.”

He knows Hongjoong’s just trying to be nice, maybe even pity him a little. He felt weak and useless sitting there, and now he’s just making the two of them feel horrible. _I’m selfish, so please don’t give a shit about me._

Seonghwa wants to hold his hand, he wants to hold him tightly, for as long as this car ride lasts, but simultaneously, he has the urge to pull away. He doesn’t want to remember the feeling.

Hongjoong takes the hint, dropping his smile. He feels a little dejected, keeping his mouth shut. It’s hard to take in the atmosphere surrounding them. 

_He’s sick of me. I’m annoying him._ Seonghwa’s scared of being abandoned like that. 

_I should’ve never been nosy and followed him._

The rest of the ride feels uncomfortable for the both of them, and it feels like eternity under the heavy air. The only exchange they have when they enter the city is Hongjoong asking for Seonghwa’s address, and the older quickly says it. It was suffocating. 

Seonghwa dreaded going back home. Once the ride ends, everything’s gone. His first time feeling the true warmth of holding hands with someone, the first time he screamed his frustrations out at the ocean. It’ll be gone soon.

“We’re here. Go home and sleep well. Think of what we did as healing time. I’ll see you soon.” Hongjoong smiles, unlocking the car doors.

The older boy doesn't reply, unbuckling his seat belt. _I’ll see you soon._ What does he mean? 

Seonghwa waves timidly and runs into the apartment building without looking back. He realizes it’s truly over once he hears the vehicle drive away. 

The ride up the elevator felt dark and scary compared to how free the ocean felt. When Seonghwa unlocks the door to his apartment, it’s quiet and empty like what he expected. His parents were busy. 

Seonghwa kicks off his shoes and sets them onto the rack, his eyes skimming over the mirror and he freezes; Hongjoong’s jacket was still on him snugly, and he didn’t know jackshit about what to do with a random leather jacket from someone he might never meet again.

He scrambles to sit down on the couch, pulling off the jacket. If he was lucky, he could find at least something right? _Something._

The jacket’s inner pockets only lead to the discovery of a plain silver ring and a cough drop, and Seonghwa quickly stuffs those back inside their respective homes. His fingers feel around and they land on something rough and scratchy, resembling a tag of some sort. It was a big square, atop of it was messy handwriting. 

**_Plz return to me! This my fav jacket. don’t be an asshat thx! contact khj with this_ **

**_# xxx-xxx-xxxx_ **

Seonghwa groans at the word choice, falling down on his back into the soft cushions of the couch, jacket hugged tightly against his chest. He’ll contact Mr. Pluto later, but for now, he needs his sleep.

  
  


Hongjoong lies flat in the back of his car, his legs pulled up to fit properly. It’s an empty parking lot and the nights were always cold, even during warmer seasons. He doesn’t have the luxury of seeing stars from an open roof of his car, staring blankly at the closed roof instead. 

Even during the cold night, his hands feel sweaty and clammy, unable to find peace in his mind to sleep. Hongjoong wouldn’t want to admit it, but he dwelled on his leather jacket as he rested his head on his arm. 

It was hard to think that Seonghwa would try to contact him, and Hongjoong laughs, lifting his hand and balling it up into a fist.

_Let’s hold hands! Mars? Park Seonghwa? Seonghwa. I’ll remember you._

Hongjoong curls up into the seat, grasping his light blanket tightly, tears seeping out of his eyes. 

_Today was fun! Yeah? Yeah. Thank you._

He didn’t know if a special day like this would come again. His hands slowly lose warmth as his tears lull him to sleep, even if they make his cheeks wet. 

  
  
  
  


_Goodnight Mars._

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the road trip idea came to be because i went on a trip (... it was only a two hour drive) 
> 
> sorry i’m still pretty bad at pacing stories and stuff i’m still practicing my writing. i actually want to finish this story let’s hope i keep that promise. 
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed reading this (whoever is reading!) i don’t know why exactly but my mind went to seongjoong immediately when i thought of road trip (although i didn’t really stick to that entire concept cuz i don’t know how to keep that going haha)
> 
> have a good day shinestarpyeonghongmans !


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